The seven different levels of anger...and what to do with them

It’s normal to get angry, but depending on how we use that anger, we can go from being frustrated to something more intense (e.g., rage). Knowing what the different types of anger are and what to do with them can help during your difficult moments when life keeps adding on those little—or big—stressors.

1. Frustration - You have a goal and it is being blocked. May take the form of venting.
   Antidote: Focus on the “what” of your frustration. It’s okay to feel this way and while venting has a life-span and we don’t want to overwhelm other people, your story is important. For example, set aside a time to talk to a trusted person and have a stress-reducing conversation.
2. Defensiveness - May come from a place of feeling hurt or betrayed and may take the form of righteous indignation or being an innocent victim.
   Antidote: Consider the truth of the situation. Understand the situation may be bigger than your anger, or maybe this feeling has come from the violation of a boundary and you’d be better to focus on establishing one. For example, ask yourself what your partner is truly trying to communicate, what are they feeling? Or ask yourself, what does this anger say I need to change in my life?
3. Difficult Anger - This is the argumentative person where no amount of solutions offered will regulate the emotion, also known as the help-rejecting complainer. You may come across as abrasive or obstinate.
   Antidote: Avoid power struggles (it just is going to feed the anger) and practice the skill of empathy. For example, don’t ask for advice or support but notice the impact your anger has on others and look for feelings instead. 
4. Hostility - A maladaptive expression of anger as a verbal attack that is focused on control and takes the form of bullying, cruelly belittling or humiliating another person.
   Antidote: Understand hostility to be a serious violation of another person. Instead of focusing on controlling another person, focus on controlling your own behaviours and words. For example, have a credo (a belief that guides your actions) such as, “I will not say X to another person”.
5. Rage - Here, anger is not the problem, it’s that you’ve tried and failed to control the emotion.
   Antidote: Find self-regulating and self-soothing activities to bring your anger back down to a manageable level. For example, you may need to go for a walk, take a 20 minute break from the conversation, or repeat a grounding phrase in your mind such as, “It’s going to be okay.”
6. Threats - Where hostility was a psychological attempt at control, threats are physical attempts.
   Antidote: Understand that while a threat is not a good behaviour to meet your needs, it does not mean you have committed the action. There is still time to stop and resolve the situation. Look at the workability of threats, for example, do they help you achieve your goals in long-term meaningful ways?
7. Violence - There are different types of violence that may be situational, accidental, planned, or some other form of abuse. Regardless, there is no acceptance for this type of behaviour, no matter how small or infrequent. It does not mean you are a bad, evil person. But the behaviour must be addressed.
   Antidote: Most will feel guilty after hurting another person and violating their own morals. This is the most important time to take action. Call the police, seek professional help, or set up consequences if this were to happen again. Saying sorry is a necessary but not sufficient action to restitution. And hoping it will never happen again is not a plan for relapse prevention. This is serious and must be taken so.

Source: Busting Common Myths About Anger by Mental Health Academy (2021)