Thinking traps

Thinking traps are an excellent way of catching ourselves from falling into negative spirals or depressive episodes. It’s hard not to fall into these traps sometimes, especially because our mind becomes primed to think this way when distressed as a form of coping. We must be careful not to pathologize ourselves or others when thinking traps occur. Being able to recognize thinking traps as they happen can be useful to help us unhook, step back and observe, and channel our energy into effective living.
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Here are some classic types of thinking traps with their definitions, examples, and antidotes. 

Dichotomous Thinking

• All-or-nothing or black-or-white thinking. Typically uses language of “always” or “never” and can result in believing you have no control over your problems.
• For example, Because I got fired from my job, I’ll never amount to anything.
• No one is 100% one thing all of the time, without fail or exception. It can be tempting to demoralize ourselves in difficult situations because it helps makes sense of the world, albeit a poor one. Instead, think of things on a spectrum, in percentages, and acknowledge the impact that outside contributors play. 

​Overgeneralization

• A single event becomes the expected pattern of the future.
• For example, After a bad breakup, you say, “I’ll never find someone who loves me.”
• Overgeneralizing has a very well-intended purpose, though it is experienced quite negatively. That is, it’s a strategy to validate your suffering. If, instead, you reply to hardships with, “Don’t worry about it. It’ll all work out,” you can only say that so many times before you seriously wonder if you’re the problem. A way to antidote overgeneralization is focus on the specifics of the situation. What feelings and behaviours are significant here-and-now?

Selective Abstraction

• Attending to certain details while ignoring the larger context.
• For example, You had an amazing weekend but near the end, you slipped and used pornography when it went against your recovery plan. This person may hyperfixate on the shame surrounding acting out and downplay or ignore the positive experiences they had on the weekend, as if it counted for nothing.
• In Narrative Therapy, we emphasize these passed over positive moments by naming them unique outcomes or sparkling moments. “As unique outcomes are identified, persons can be encouraged to engage in performances of new meaning, “White & Epston, 1990. Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends). As you expand your attention to the broader context, what does this reveal to you about yourself and your relationships? Could this be the start of some new unique possibilities?

Minimization

• Downplaying significant events or positive qualities.
• For example, When someone compliments you, you say, “It isn’t that good.” May also appear as self-deprecating humour or sarcastic nonchalance.
• Try saying “Thank you” to a compliment or congratulate yourself after doing something difficult. Self-compassion is more than corny self-affirmations, it’s allowing yourself to be yourself. So, does minimization help you be more or less of the authentic you?

Arbitrary Inference

• Jumping to conclusions despite having little or no evidence to support it.
• For example, Because my partner is looking at pornography, that must mean they don’t find me attractive. They’re likely also sleeping around and should be considered dangerous.
• There are two ways this trap can show up: mind-reading and fortune-telling. If you find yourself assuming things about another person, either ask or let it go. If you find yourself predicting the failure of future events, come back to the present moment. Our only power to influence outcomes are in the here-and-now.

Emotional Reasoning

• Mistaking our emotions as evidence of the truth.
• For example, I feel bad, therefore I am bad. 
• Don’t prioritize feelings over facts. It can be tempting because emotions can so strongly influence us sometimes. And our brains are designed for this, we need emotions. But learn how to separate emotions from self-statements or measures of reality. “I feel…” statements can be expanded into “I’m having the feeling of…” or  “This is Anxiety or Sadness”. If you’re having difficulty determining facts from feelings, consider your biases, try experimenting by assuming the opposite was true and exploring how that could be a possibility.

Unrealistic Expectations

• Using “What if” and “should” as demands or protestations against reality or persons.
• For example, “What if I make a mistake as a parent and permanently ruin my child?” or thinking that a marriage/partnership should never go to bed angry.
• An article that does a great job at comparing reasonable vs unhealthy expectations can be found here. Research in relationships show that higher expectations actually lead to better outcomes. But there’s a key difference, they are focused on health and wellness, and about how you wanted to be treated, not on how others should act.

Magnification

• Exaggerating things out of proportion. Making a mountain out of a molehill.
• For example, a mistake made is seen as a much bigger thing than it actually is.
• Imagine you have a paper cut. It hurts, but doesn’t require a trip to the ER. As compared to a cut deep enough to be life threatening, it would be extremely concerning to think a bandaid is sufficient enough. It may seem elementary, but ask yourself, “Is this a big problem or a small problem?” Kids making a mess: small problem. Kids getting bullied: big problem. Then check your reactions that they are in proportion to the severity of the event.

Catastrophizing

• Generating fear for the sake of it. Often to life/death extremes.
• For example, Because my teenager stormed out of the house, they’re going to become a drug addict and die naked in the gutter, in the rain.
• It is so easy to get hooked by this type of thought because there is an endless amount of scary possibilities in life. But catastrophizing is an out-of-control response. Be pragmatic about the situation, focus on what needs to happen to reign in the chaos of the situation. It may be as simple as taking a break or can require the expertise of outside help.

Personalization

• Seeing yourself as the sole cause of the problem.
• For example, Bad things keep happening because there’s something seriously defective with me.
• There’s a difference between influence and causation. Because you’re likely not personalizing out of nowhere, such as having said something regrettable in an argument and now feeling bad for it. But we are only responsible for our own actions, not others. If you did something problematic, then address it, apologize. But don’t blame yourself for the injustices of the world. Externalize the problem: The problem is the problem, not you.

Defensiveness

• Protecting yourself from real or perceived threats (internal or external). It becomes a thinking trap when we engage in defensiveness by being righteously indignant (taking the moral high ground) or playing the innocent victim.
• For example, I don’t know why my wife is so angry all the time. I mean I work, provided a home, and don’t cheat.
• There’s a few ways to antidote defensives. One, take responsibility. Consider how your actions would play out if seen in a different setting. Two, consider the truth of what another person is saying. 

Isolation

• Disconnecting from supports or trying to manage problems alone.
• For example, I should be able to over depression on my own, without therapy or medication. It’s called willpower.
• It is such a common occurrence where it’s easier to give help than to receive it. Being helped is often associated with weakness, inability, or can be felt as patronizing, even emasculating. We need social supports to thrive. Vulnerability to receive help can be the key to self-empowerment. However, it’s possible that isolation comes because the people around you are toxic or unhelpful. If that’s the case, consider finding other supports. Use mindful trust as you navigate new sources.

Confirmation Bias

• Trying to prove your situation right rather than exploring information that challenges your beliefs.
• For example, the belief If I go out with friends, then I’ll have a panic attack is reinforced by anxiety-confirming information resulting in you avoiding people and places. 
• If you were wrong, would you want to know? If the answer to this question is “No” then you’re likely victim to confirmation bias. If your answer is “yes,” how would you go about discovering that answer. In research, this is called testing the null hypothesis. Instead of attempting to confirm a theory, you try to prove it wrong (thus reducing confirmation bias). So take a chance, try something different when it comes to managing anxiety or other difficult emotions. The results might surprise you.

Fallacy of Change

• Believing your well-being is conditional on others changing.
• For example, If fast food wasn’t so cheap and accessible, then I wouldn’t have an eating/money problem.
• Even if this thinking trap were true, wouldn’t it be disappointing to know your wellness was entirely dependent? Don’t wait for partners to have ideal responses, society to pave the way forward for you, or wait until motivation strikes you. Take a small step today toward the kind of person you want to be. Advocate for institutions to change, but do not wait to be happy until then.

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Magical Thinking

• The belief that thinking about something will cause it to occur.
• For example, thinking bad thoughts about a loved one will cause something bad to happen to them.
• Exposure with response prevention is one strategy to help retrain the mind and develop insight. Just because you had a thought, doesn’t mean it will come true or be able to control you. Otherwise, we’d all be millionaires.

Irreversibility

• Not recognizing that actions can be reversed.
• For example, Because I had a fight with my partner, it’s pointless to say “Sorry.” You can’t take back the hurtful words.
• Being able to repair injuries is one of the great aspects of being alive. Material objects can be mended, emotional injuries can be processed, and in some cases, we can actually start over and try again. Psychological flexibility is key to navigating a rich, full, and meaningful life. Things may not be repaired to the exact form they were before, but that’s not always a bad thing.

Personal Fable

• The belief that you are unique and not subject to the natural laws that govern others.
• For example, I don’t need to use protection during sex, I won’t get her pregnant. I don’t need to drive slower on winter roads, that’s for people who don’t know what they’re doing.
• The personal fable can make us feel invincible, but it is a false security. A naiveté. Education may be needed around a certain topic or maturity-building exposure may need to be experienced.

​Imaginary Audience

• The belief that you are the centre of attention.
• For example, When I blush or get teary-eyed, everyone notices and must think I’m a complete embarrassment.
• People are not paying as much as might think or hope. And if they are, that’s more a concern about them than it is about you. Practice grounding to hold you through difficult moments. Develop a supportive network where you can both relax and be challenged. And let go. You’ve likely held enough already.